As the year comes to a close, I think it is as good a time as any to take a look back at the worst eight horror movies I saw in a theater this past year. Seems like an odd number, doesn’t it? Eight. It just so happens that of the new 2014 releases that I saw that could be deemed horror films totaled sixteen, so I cut the number in half. That means you have the top eight horror movies to look forward to. So, want to know what horror stunk up the cineplexes? Read on!
8. The Quiet Ones. This is a movie that could have just as easily made the top eight, but there is something about this that just holds it back. It is an interesting story that takes inspiration from a real world incident, of course it fictionalizes a lot of it, it just shows what you can do with real world inspiration. It tells of a doctor (Jared Harris) who believes you can cure mental illness by provoking the subject until it manifests itself. It is a good movie, but it feels somewhat restrained. It is the sort of movie that would have benefited from pushing the limits and going for the R rating. Worth checking out, but not quite great.
7. As Above, So Below. Made by the guys behind The Poughkeepsie Tapes, Quarantine, and Devil, plus being the first movie to shoot in the Catacombs beneath Paris, you would think this movie would be pretty good. It turns out to be merely decent, It is not the worst thing going, but it could have been a whole lot better. It is the familiar found footage style, but the problem is that they do not do a whole lot with it. We never get a good look at the Catacombs, and there are so many ideas brought up and then dropped. Then it feels like the camera is literally dropped down a hole for the last third of the movie. It was still somewhat enjoyable, but hardly worth recommending.
6. Devil’s Due. Here is another one that is not very good, but I sort of liked. A little bit, anyway. It follows a newly married couple who go on a honeymoon of a lifetime, but lose some time when they are messed with by some sort of cult. Now, expecting a baby, weird things begin to happen and she just may be carrying the devil. It suffers from a lot of the problems that found footage movies have, but if you are willing to go along for the ride, it is still pretty entertaining.
5. Dracula Untold. Here is one I probably should have known better before going in to the theater. Still, I like Luke Evans and decided to give it a shot. This tale of Dracula’s “untold origin” never gathers steam and never has any life. I did not like how it was essentially turned into a superhero origin story. I don’t like my Dracula to be too sympathetic. This guy just doesn’t work as Dracula, I want to cheer him too much. The best is to leave this untold.
4. Annabelle. This follow up to The Conjuring is very lackluster. It lacks scares, it lacks interest, and it fails to deliver the way The Conjuring did. This story focuses on the doll from that prior film and chronicles how it came to be in the possession of the Warrens. The problem is that it never really gets scary. There are a couple of creepy moments, but it is not that interesting. It brings in some other demon stuff but it fails to get particularly weird. Annabelle feels incomplete and undercooked.
3. I, Frankenstein. What if the makers of Underworld decided to make a dumbed down version of the vampire/werewolf war? What might it look like? This, this is what it might look like, and it isn’t pretty. It is pretty dumb, nonsensical, and annoying. I like the idea of a Frankenstein’s monster living into the present, but this is not the way to tell it. The one thing I liked was the stick fight, but the lead up is not all that hot. Consider this, a man walks into a room full of weapons, swords, daggers, all sorts of coolness, and he picks up a pair of metal sticks? Sorry, you lost me.
2. The Pyramid. This is a pretty terrible movie that plays out like a worse version of As Above, So Below. It is a movie that isn’t sure if it wants to be found footage or not. It fails to hold any interest, has unlikable and boring characters, and an underwhelming final villain. Of course, I was hoping this was going to be a mummy movie, but it isn’t. Basically, people get trapped in a newly found pyramid. Too bad we don’t get any real explanation here.
1. Jinn. Utterly terrible. Seriously, this is on a level with The Room (if you haven’t seen that, do so immediately). It has awful dialogue, terrible acting, spotty effect, and a nonsensical story. You do get a crazy fight scene with Ray Park, and a lot of shots of a car designed by the director. Want to know the story? It has something to do with a bad Jinn who wants to eliminate his enemies bloodline, or some such nonsense, it never really says much of anything.
There you go, the worst eight horror movies I saw theatrically. Hopefully, you saw few of these.