Let’s not pretend that I’m going to say anything nice about The Raid: Redemption. I’m not. I do not like that movie Sam I Am, I do not like The Raid: Redemption… I don’t think I can. These are the facts or rather the fact that I dislike RR is a fact that is my stated opinion and one that I am more than happy to offer up freely. I nearly troll posts about it because every time I mention disliking it, ya’ll motherfuckers troll me. I have to battle for it. I have spent fucking years talking about it even though I have no desire to talk about it or watch it again (and yes I gave it a second chance). I have opinions about RR that would make your cum boil…
Good thing we’re not here to talk about The Raid: Redemption. That would be a depressing article that I wouldn’t want to read, write or take comment on. You know when first saw they were releasing The Raid 2 I got pissed. Another one? You mean a goddamn sequel? Really? Man did it set me off. I had to sort of relive the dejection and apocalyptic override of folks talking about the original and about a movie I would undoubtedly not like it in its sequel. And so I hated The Raid 2. I hated The Raid 2 before seeing it for the sins of The Raid. I hate myself for prejudging The Raid 2, but what the fuck could I do? I mean… it has got to be one of my least favorite movies in existence (not worse than Corky Romano).
Let’s talk about The Raid 2, patron saint and savior of gory, fun, intense, action fight revengers. For this I am simply going to list out what I enjoyed rather than trying to capture it in any paragraphical form (I want you to read it rather than ignore it and talk about your own fetishistic lust for the original).
- I watched it in dubbed (noooo. YES!). It added a slight bit of unintentional humor and allowed me to pay attention to the ass whopping on the screen. Think I needed to watch in with subtitles to be man about The Raid 2? Eat. My. Cuntflower.
- I didn’t notice computer generated splatter… much. I knew it was there, but I didn’t seem to care. This has been happening more lately, and it means either I’m getting used to it or the programmers are getting better.
- The bathroom stall scene is a fantasy I may have had as a young smoker in high school. I connected with it.
- That car chase made me jump and get tense in the butt kind of like when I watch football and my team throws a long bomb down field and I’m not sure if anyone’s going to catch it. I like to think of it as that car chase scene in the Matrix only really fucking dangerous.
- Hammer girl was able to recreate some of the most vicious hammer kills I’ve ever seen (eat your heart out Michael Myers in Halloween II). She’s hot. Her scenes made me feel like an adolescent boy discovering a Hustler… because of her fighting style of course.
- I now know that I don’t need a fucking gun to defend my home. I can buy an aluminum baseball bat.
- The Raid 2 featured a variety of locations.
- The Raid 2 featured a variety of characters in focus rather than this myopic focus on the protagonist (a better story though not a dissimilar story from the first).
- Baseball bat to the head where the hate caves in around the bat. GOREgeous.
- I jumped during the Kitchen fight scene. I also got hungry after the flat cooktop scene.
There you go. The Raid 2 good. The Raid: Redemption… (fill in the comment that will inspire the most heinous troll you can imagine).
You can order The Raid 2 now.